to articulate something that has been evolving in my mind, heart and soul for the last four years.
i'm asking God, show me the way.
i don't think there is a more profound experience for a woman than the birthing experience. my third is looming around the corner of the fresh new year about to begin. new year, new beginning, third time. all things that should - could - mean hope, ease, confidence. third time's a charm? not when the images in my mind and the marks on my heart and the knowing in my soul from the first and second are still there.
i can't let go God, show me the way.
so i seek a path that will lead to some kind of peace. this new babe deserves a fair shot. so do i. i visit every appointment available to ease the conflict in my mind, cover up those tears in my heart and settle the unrest in my soul. i feel confident that i have attained all the possible information and am doing the best i can for my family.
it's not about me God, show me the way.
the grace of time let me believe i was on a path and then that very same time betrayed me as it drew to a close and all the fears came flooding back.
i'm not ready God, show me the way.
when i selfishly think of how it will all happen - it has nothing to do with what i've signed up for. there's something missing.
i don't believe God, show me the way.
the birthing experience is my mountain, i want the top. call me stubborn for not getting there my way - but i'm not giving up.
in my mind, heart and soul God, show me the way.
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